Let’s face it- raising kids isn't easy. As parents and caregivers, it can be easy to resort to yelling because it feels like nothing else has worked. But, no one really LIKES yelling, and there are other, more effective ways to reach your children. Here are some tips for getting your kids to listen without yelling.
Lead by Example
I can’t count the number of times a parent has come to me, somewhat baffled, as to why their kids are whining or yelling or ignoring them or whatever other breakdown of communication. Then, after a few days getting to know the family, the answer becomes clear: Your children are whining and complaining because they observe you doing it. *cringe* It’s hard to hear, but is often the case. Children learn by example. They’re always watching and listening. Mimicry is huge in child development. As they’re figuring out how to navigate life, they’re observing how you navigate life. Now, I know it’s not always true. Sometimes kids just ignore you or complain or whatever. However, the first step to teaching your children to be good listeners is to be a good listener yourself. Acknowledge them when they speak to you, even if that includes setting the boundary that you aren’t available at the moment. Keep an eye out in the coming weeks for more ways to lead by example in remaining calm during frustrating situations!
Positive Reinforcement
While I’m personally not a huge fan of sticker charts and physical rewards for doing things that I think should be part of having good character, I am still a huge fan of positive reinforcement. Showing appreciation to your children for their contribution to the family is a great place to start. For example, when they set the table or clean their rooms, they are helping the household run more smoothly. Just like parents enjoy a “thank you” every now and then, so do kids! Positive reinforcement encourages children and helps them feel good about themselves which will encourage them even more in the future.
Set Clear Expectations
Even when the contrary seems true, kids thrive with clear boundaries and expectations. Frequently, acting out and inconsistent behavior is coming from a place of figuring out what the boundaries are. “If…, then…” statements are very helpful for communicating in a simple way that kids can understand, as are “First…, then…” statements. Even my 1-year old’s tantrums end once I explain “First, this will happen. THEN, this will happen.” It makes it easier on everyone because then you’re all on the same page.
Getting your children to listen without yelling might seem impossible, but with some patience and consistency it can be done! Start with leading by example and practicing mindfulness, use positive reinforcement whenever possible, and set clear expectations from the beginning so everyone knows what is acceptable and what isn’t! With a little effort on your part, you can raise respectful children who will listen without having to resort to yelling or scolding!
